I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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