Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
