Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
