she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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