sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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