I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
