maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
