..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
