last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
