Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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