She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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