dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
