so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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