absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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