he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
40s are totally the cure
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
