If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ok first of all what the fuck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
