you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
