we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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