Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
