ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
