The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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