listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have aggressive nipples.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
