We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
