Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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