Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
