Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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