So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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