my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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