My hand turned me down
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
