just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
