I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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