Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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