Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
