I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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