I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
