My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
