Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize