You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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