we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
