I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
