We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
