He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
