Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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