i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
