it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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