You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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