pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
