I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Everything about him screamed your future.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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