Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
