your thong is hanging out like whoa
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
