remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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